Yet, at this present moment there is this gnawing, this void, this feeling that I just want to stop. How much beauty can one take? How much grace can one feel, see, hear, and know? I feel like I have hit an overload. The signs are always all around me. I see the repetition of numbers (1:11, 11:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44), I see the signs all around, in the clouds, and sometimes in my beer.
While I feel blessed and in alignment, I also feel lost. Six months later I have grown, but what has changed? Six months later I find so much of myself stays and remains the same. Six months later and I am sill not afraid of tremendous joy or pain. Six months later and still I question my origins and name. Six months later I am overwhelmed with my life, magic, and gratitude. Six months later life is still nipping at my heels, and all I want to do is retreat in an internal cave and stay still. I need a vacation from my own life. I need a retreat from myself. I realize how hard this balance is between a full life and ill health. Once, I used to think I needed to save me from myself. Now that I am older, I feel this need to run away from the comfort to a place where there is none. I realize how toxic it can be to surrender to life with a say "yes" attitude, and yet how glorious it can be when you find yourself at different long and latitudes. What is the purpose of this writing? Well, that is up to you. Here I am writing to gain insights into my current thoughts and attitude.
Alas, here is my thought for the day...